Everyone Poops. Have you read it? I suppose it’s meant to help with potty training but we just thought it was a good read.

Another one is “The Holes in Your Nose“. Fantastic! I like the part where it tells you that the holes in your nose are NOT pockets. Important information for any child, don’t you agree?

Anyhow, everyone poops.

I’ve got few doozy poop stories I could share from my year in Africa:

  • the dreaded meat-stick story which involved me pooping over the side of a barge in the middle of Lake Victoria with 70+ spectators
  • the dangerously expanding hole in the drop toilet at a beach in Malawi
  • me getting caught with my head between my legs, trying – on doctor’s orders – to determine the colour of my poop before it dropped into the abyss
  • need more?
  • How about walking through reeds along a river and wondering why there’s “mud” at waist-to-shoulder height only to find that I’m walking through – and covered in – hippo poop
  • or the night I spent running back and forth the 100 m, NAKED, OUTSIDE, to the outhouse/toilet in front of two watchmen
  • or the time I was actually having a healthy poop and two women came in and chopped the head off a chicken
  • should I go on? I’ve got a few from my time in Asia too…
  • like the time I pooped my skirt
  • or the pigs following me into the woods to “clean up” after me in West Papua

Oh the stories I could tell. But today, there really is no story. It’s just me…at home…all by my SELF!

Getting alone time in the bathroom is a luxury for me and the “daily doody” frequently turns into the “daily multi-duty.”

The other morning I thought my body had timed it perfectly – the dog was outside and the boys had just sat down to eat breakfast.

No sooner did I sit down than Zander had gotten up and let Roxy in. And they both joined me in the bathroom. Then Remy arrived. Honestly, this is less than 30 seconds after I closed the door.

Our downstairs bathroom doubles as the laundry room so the washer/dryer are in there, along with a big cupboard full of dog food and stuff.  That bathroom also has a pocket door that Remy is positively obsessive about closing. So he closed the door and the 4 of us are inside. And I’m kinda trapped on the toilet.

And things start to happen:

  • like Remy decides he HAS to feed the dog, even though she’s already been fed so I’m reaching waaaaaay over to stop  him
  • like Zander decides that he HAS to clean his feet because he stepped outside for a split second when he let Roxy in and he has gone into the shower and turned it on – fully clothed and with SOCKS on
  • like Roxy, seeing that she isn’t going to get food after all, getting disturbed by the close quarters and wanting out of the bathroom. But I can’t reach the door to open it so she comes over and plants her head in my lap to be patted
  • Like Remy, seeing that Roxy is getting attention, comes over and climbs onto my lap
  • And Zander doesn’t want to be left out so he – wet – also climbs onto my lap

And someone who lives here actually scoffed at me when I commented on the “luxury” poop he had other night when he spent 20 minutes in there alone with the iPad.

But today it’s me that’s laughing because it’s just me and the dog at home and if all goes according to schedule it’ll be an off-duty-doody for me today.