In a day of dealing with poop, it’s best to never let your guard down.


Zander (the 4 year old) has a nickname for me: “Bummy-Wiper“. He’s physically able to wipe his own butt but he says he won’t do it until he’s 5. Why not? “because when I’m 5, my poop won’t be as sticky“. I’m not sure whether he means sticky or stinky, or both. Either way…Hmmm. Probably for the best anyway since he’s a lousy bummy-wiper. I know this because I see his underwear after a day at school.

So after every poop, he yells out “Bum Wipe!“. Sometimes it’s “Hey Bummy-Wiper, I need a bum wipe!“. It starts out quietly and gets louder and louder until I get there. Loud enough that my neighbour has commented on it. And he absolutely won’t do it himself. He’ll just sit there yelling “Bum Wipe!” until I can’t stand it anymore!

He’s the undisputed bum-wipe-standoff winner.

Zander also won’t flush the toilet. EVER! In 4-year-old logic tells him that if he doesn’t flush the toilet, he doesn’t have to wash his hands because: “my hands didn’t touch the toilet“. Apparently wrapping his fingers around the seat (so the tips are under the seat, touching the rim) as he sits there doesn’t constitute “touching” the toilet.

So I wipe his bum and flush the toilet. I am, indeed a Bummy-Wiper.

(note: we DO wash his hands afterwards)


Remy (the-almost-2-year-old) won’t poop on the potty but he WILL tell me when he has pooped. But it’s like he questions himself:

Mom! I pooped!… Mom… POOP! … Mom-Mom-Mom-Mom-Mom…PooooooooooPPP… Poop? Mom?

… then he sticks his hand down the back of his diaper to confirm. If there’s poop, he pulls his stinky, poopy hand out and yells “POOOOOOOOOOP!”. If there’s no poop… well, there NEVER IS NO POOP. His hand always comes out poopy.

You can add “Hand-wiper” to my Bummy-Wiper title.


As a dog-owner, I’ve come to appreciate certain times of the year that most might not think twice about. Like late fall/very early winter, when the temperatures dip below zero and Poopsicles make their first appearance. Poopsicles are a poop-picker-upper’s friend. They’re generally available all winter, but the late Fall/early Winter ones are the best because you don’t have to deal with the snow. The non-snowy-poopsicle is most definitely the BEST.

WORST is the “spring-melt” poop that you find after all the snow disappears. A close second is the “I-really-should-have-picked-that-up-before-it-rained” poop.

Somewhere in the middle is the “grass” poop. Which dangles from your dog’s butt until you pull it out. As long as you’re properly prepared (bag on hand), this – surprisingly – seems to be more disturbing to the dog than to the dog-owner.

But having a dog isn’t just about picking up and dealing with their poop. It’s also about having to watch them EAT poop.

And this is where Poop turns into the S-word for me.

When you watch your dog run ahead on the trail and dig into a pile of horse manure, well that’s gross, but it’s still just poop to me.

When you watch your dog raise his nose to the air and start sniffing, then start trotting off the trail into the woods, nose held high, sniffing and tail wagging in anticipation, you’ve got trouble and you better act quick. Because if you don’t, your dog is going to have a little “treat” that just happens to be sitting beside, or under, a piece of toilet paper or kleenex and that, my dear friends is SHIT! to me.

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